First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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