zippers are such a cool invention
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
