it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
