The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Randomize
