I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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