after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
