Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
