She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
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