dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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