Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
