i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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