I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
