And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
