I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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