My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Randomize
