Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
