i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Just invented taco cereal.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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