These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize
