I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
