YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Randomize
