my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
