Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
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