So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
