after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Randomize
