youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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