I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
