Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
