my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
So vagazzling was a success
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize
