Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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