Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
