i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
