Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
