apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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