lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
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