in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I can't put those talents on a resume
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Randomize
