I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
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I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
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I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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