I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Randomize
