we made out on top of his cat.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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