Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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