k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Randomize
