He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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