saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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