do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
But break dance skills will only take you so far
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
