Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
