Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
