Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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