I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
pray to the hookup gods
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
