I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
