I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
