so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Randomize
