so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
