She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
