ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
