Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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