we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
