somebody snuck up and got me drunk
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
