I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
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