Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
