My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
