I'm passing your future prison.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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