I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
