Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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