It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
We just shotgunned beers for America
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Randomize
