so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
