a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
