i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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