I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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