Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
