Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
