Whod you bang
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
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