Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
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