if you like me you must not know who I am
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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