he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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