And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
