how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
