Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
