i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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