i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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