I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
