They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize