absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Randomize
