My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
